Recently a friend told me that he had some form of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
I finally understand why he’s always living in his world, unempathetic towards others, and reading but only responding to my messages a few days later. Heck, sometimes he doesn’t even reply to my messages!
I used to think, what’s with someone who’s brilliant with investment but yet has the “unacceptable” behaviours above?
Being the OCD as I am, his behaviours irked me more than I can remember. I kept it to myself because he’s a beloved friend. Otherwise, I would have written him off.
Now that I know he has ASD, I’ve learned to accept his idiosyncratic behaviours and accept him for who he is and not attempt to change him.
But I was curious how he found out that he had ASD. He told me that his girlfriend suspected that he had, so she told him to take some tests.
“Isn’t that good? Now that she knows you have ASD, she won’t be mad with your ‘unacceptable’ behaviours anymore,” I asked.
“No, unfortunately,” he sighed.
For a moment, I was mad at her girlfriend after hearing his answer. If I can accept his behaviour, how come she can’t?
Then it dawned on me that a girlfriend’s (or boyfriend’s) expectation is very different from a normal friend’s.
I don’t understand why, but we tend to have higher expectations from someone dear to us than someone who’s not. Don’t you think so?
I’ll be the first to plead guilty. I used to expect more from someone dear.
As I grow into myself, I’m now more tolerant towards others, loved ones or not, when they don’t exhibit “acceptable” behaviours.
I’m not sure whether I’ve become more forgiving, or because of age, I don’t have the energy to sweat over such things anymore.
But whatever it is, I’m more at peace with myself. And with others, consequently.
When I understand why someone I know behaves in a particular “unacceptable” way, I will consciously try to accept instead of judge.
What about you? Do you understand to accept? Or understand to judge?
