Mentor Coach: Mel Leow
21st Jun 2023
Two Systems of Thinking
Coach Mel talks about the two inner, albeit always-competing, selves mentioned in the book, “The Inner Game of Tennis” by Tim Gallwey.
Although the title mentions “tennis”, it applies to every game we play, including life.
Most of us believe our game is “out there” in the world – in the form of adversaries and society. But I submit that we always begin first by playing an inner game with ourselves – our critical, conscious self (Self 1) versus our calm, subconscious self (Self 2).
Often, a victory in the inner game we play between our two inner selves determines the success (or defeat) of the outer game.
A defeat in the inner game will stop us from playing the outer game altogether.
The Job of A Coach
So, as coaches, we must be able to help our coachees identify the inner game they play in their heads.
But before that, we must find out what outer games they are playing or intend to play. If not, we may be wasting each other’s time.
How? Here’s help.
Human Needs
According to Maslow’s new hierarchy of needs, we have different levels of needs. From the materialistic to the altruistic, our needs differ at various stages of life.
Of course, a person’s early experience of poverty since childhood will stay at the “I want more money” physiological or safety level even though he or she is already a multi-millionaire.
But this module is not about psychology. So, I will not go there. 😊
It is, however, suffice to say that having a good understanding of this theory will help us become better coaches.
Human Drivers
What drives our coachees’ needs?
According to Tony Robbins, six drivers push us beyond our boundaries and reach greater possibilities.
CERTAINTY
We need to feel sure. Certainty is the assurance that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure.
UNCERTAINTY
We need new stimuli and a change of environment. Uncertainty causes the adrenaline rush when we go into the unknown and look for change.
SIGNIFICANCE
Most, if not all, of us, need to feel special, unique, important and needed to feel significant.
CONNECTION & LOVE
We need a strong feeling of closeness with other human beings. This is why we value relationships and friendships so much.
GROWTH
“Progress equals happiness,” says Tony. We need to grow and progress, or we will become bored and tired of not making progress.
CONTRIBUTE
The secret to living is giving, methinks. The more we contribute and help others, the better we will feel.
In Conclusion
The Outer Game
Be it, Maslow or Tony, our goal is to help our coachees identify which level of needs they are at; and the reason behind their needs when they answer the “What do you need?” question.
Unless the coachees already know clearly what they need (or core desires), I believe helping them to identify their core desires is a multi-session thing.
The Inner Game
What’s stopping our coachees from winning the outer game? Self-limiting beliefs? Past unpleasant experiences? The inner game they play in their head?
This is a skill I’m sorely lacking. No amount of Google ads, FB ads or marketing skills will help me. So, yes. I’m excited that I do not know because that means there’s something new for me to learn.
So, what do you need?
And what do you think I need?
The key to better tennis—or better anything—lies in improving the relationship between the conscious teller, Self 1, and the natural capabilities of Self 2.
W. Timothy Gallwey
