Module 8 – Maintains Presence

What is Presence?

To me, presence is the state of being fully aware and attentive to the present moment without being distracted by thoughts of the past or the future.

Whether I’m alone or with someone, being present means I’m fully conscious of what’s going on, both in my head and in the surroundings.

The 5th Core Competency in ICF’s eight competencies, “Maintains Presence,” is:

The coach is fully conscious and present with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible, grounded and confident.

International Coaching Federation

Below are my expositions on the six sub-competencies:

1. Remains focused, observant, empathetic and responsive to the client: I must pay full attention to the client’s words, emotions, body language, tone of voice and energy level and not get distracted by my thoughts, feelings or agenda. All the while showing empathy by understanding and validating the client’s perspective and emotions without judging or imposing my views.
   
2. Demonstrates curiosity during the coaching process: I can use curiosity as a tool to help the client gain new insights, perspectives and awareness. To do this, I’ll ask open-ended questions that invite the client to explore their situation, goals, values, beliefs, assumptions and possibilities more deeply. Expressing genuine interest and wonder about the client’s experience and potential without leading or directing them towards a predetermined outcome is something I must keep in mind, too.
   
3. Manages one’s emotions to stay present with the client: I regulate my emotions in a way that allows me to maintain a calm, neutral and supportive stance. I must also be aware of my emotions and how they may affect the coaching relationship and process. Not letting my emotions interfere with my ability to be fully present and attentive to the client is imperative here.
   
4. Demonstrates confidence in working with strong client emotions during the coaching process: This means that I am not afraid or uncomfortable when the client expresses strong or difficult emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear or frustration. I will not try to avoid, suppress or change the client’s emotions, but rather acknowledge and respect these emotions as part of their experience. I will do my best to help the client to process and understand their emotions and to use them as a source of information and motivation.
   
5. Is comfortable working in a space of not knowing: I understand that I do not need to have all the answers or solutions for the client, but rather trust that the client has the resources and creativity to find their way forward. I will also not pretend to know more than I do or make assumptions or guesses about the client’s situation or goals. I am open to learning from the client and from the coaching process itself, and I am willing to admit when I don’t know something or when I make a mistake.
   
6. Creates or allows space for silence, pause or reflection: I do not have to fill every moment of the coaching conversation with words, questions or comments, but rather give the client time and space to think, feel, process and articulate their thoughts and emotions. I will respect the client’s pace and rhythm of speaking and learning and not interrupt or rush them. I can use silence, pause or reflection as an opportunity to deepen the coaching process and enhance the client’s awareness and learning.

The OCD in me loathes not knowing what comes next. This anxiety can easily stop me from staying in the present moment. Hence, I must work on point no. 5. I must keep reminding myself that it’s okay not to be okay. And it’s okay to say, “I don’t know,” “I made a mistake,” and “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

So, yes. Screw OCD. Be.Here.Now.

Since Marcia Reynolds was mentioned a few times (you can see I was paying attention ?), I’ll end today’s post with one of her quotes from the book “Coach the Person, Not the Problem: A Guide to Using Reflective Inquiry“. It’s a great book, by the way.

“Coaching mastery isn’t just about improving skills; mastery also requires that you quickly catch internal disruptions and shift back to being fully present with your clients.”

Marcia Reynolds