Mentor Coach: Wendy Koh
3rd May 2023
Listening To vs Listening For
To me, “listening to” refers to the act of hearing the content or source of what is being said, while “listening for” refers to the act of paying attention to the purpose or intention behind what is being said.
“Listening to” is listening for what is being said, while “listening for” is listening for what is not being said.
Below are a few points I believe can help me improve my “listening for” skill:
- Identify the purpose: “What am I trying to learn from this conversation?” or “What information am I trying to gather?”
- Pay attention to non-verbal cues: Non-verbal cues such as body language, tone of voice and facial expressions can provide valuable information about the client’s emotions and intentions.
- Ask open-ended questions: To clarify my understanding and gather more information about the client’s perspective.
- Practice active listening: Practice active listening techniques such as being fully present, showing interest, paraphrasing and reflecting back, and withholding judgment and advice.
The 6th Core Competency in ICF’s eight competencies, “Listens Actively,” is:
Focuses on what the client is and is not saying to fully understand what is being communicated in the context of the client systems and to support client self-expression
International Coaching Federation
Below are my expositions on the six sub-competencies:
- Considers the client’s context, identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs to enhance understanding of what the client is communicating: As a coach, I need to pay attention to the client’s background and history, including their values, beliefs, and experiences. I should also consider the context in which they communicate, such as their environment or current situation. By doing so, I can better understand what the client is saying and why they are saying it.
- Reflects or summarizes what the client communicated to ensure clarity and understanding: Reflecting or summarising what the client has said is a crucial step in active listening. This helps to ensure that I have understood the client’s message correctly, and it gives the client an opportunity to clarify or expand on their message. It’s also important to use the client’s own words whenever possible, rather than paraphrasing or interpreting their message in their own words.
- Recognizes and inquires when there is more to what the client is communicating: Active listening involves recognizing when the client is communicating more than just their words. This includes their emotions, energy shifts, non-verbal cues, or other behaviours. As a coach, I must be attentive to these cues and ask the client to elaborate if necessary.
- Notices, acknowledges and explores the client’s emotions, energy shifts, non-verbal cues or other behaviors: Emotions, energy shifts, non-verbal cues, and other behaviours can provide valuable information about what the client is feeling or thinking. As a coach, I should acknowledge and explore these cues with the client to gain a better understanding of their message.
- Integrates the client’s words, tone of voice and body language to determine the full meaning of what is being communicated: Integrating the client’s words, tone of voice, and body language is important to gain a complete understanding of their message. As a coach, I need to pay attention to all of these cues and consider them together to determine the full meaning of what the client is communicating.
- Notices trends in the client’s behaviors and emotions across sessions to discern themes and patterns: Finally, as a coach, I should be attentive to the client’s behaviors and emotions to discern any themes or patterns. This can help I to identify any underlying issues or areas for further exploration in their coaching sessions.
Overall, active listening is a crucial skill for coaches to develop. By following these six points, I can (hopefully) better understand my clients’ messages and help them to achieve their coaching goals.
